Baby Jesus Underwater - East Timor 27th December 2006

My break in Bali was great but it was so hot and humid. Luckily I treated myself to a great hotel where I had a lovely bungalow with air con, satellite TV, swimming pool, king size bed and hot water, all the things I don’t have in East Timor, so much of the time I was collapsed under the air con. The nice thing about Bali at the moment is its off season so the price per night was about £14, the bad thing about the off season is Bali is dead so everyone is desperate for business and the street hassle gets unbearable. I can’t count the number of times I was asked if I want transport.

I nearly got injured as I walked out of Bali airport, walking across the car park to the taxi rank. It was windy and out of the corner of my eye I saw the back of kiosk moving, I jumped back but as the metal sheeting fell it scraped down my arm. After coming out of a land of gun battles, ambon arrows and stone throwing, I nearly get taken out in Bali by a low flying kiosk!

I caught up with some diving instructor mates that have restored a shipwreck, it’s a beautiful boat and we spent a great evening on it drinking beer and watching the sun go down. My other activity in Bali was shopping, it’s great there, you go into a shop and pick out the basic design and they will make the clothes in your shape and size within a couple of days, although I couldn’t find a plain white T-shirt for love nor money!

When I got back to Dili I met up with Robbie for dinner, and he’s got a new goat called Bibi, very cute. Millie sadly did not return. Robbie has painted a sign on the side of his house warning of goat security instead of ‘Beware of the Dog!’

I’ve been busy since I got back; I’ve been teaching a Polish tourist, a Portuguese policeman and an Australian helicopter pilot, you meet interesting people in this job. I’d been diving one morning and had hung up my swimming costume to dry on the line, then grabbed it and put it on in the Esplanada toilets. I sat down to give my students a dive briefing when I felt I was being bitten. I ran and jumped into the swimming pool, my swimming costume was full of ants!

This morning we were at Dili Rock preparing for a dive when an Australian soldier approached us and asked us to avoid using the road. A Black Hawk helicopter was just about to take off from the football field, it was magnificent to watch but the dust was incredible, there is no way it would be safe for a car passing at that time, it was a complete brown out.

I came home this afternoon and started laughing, Wayne was sitting on the porch wearing a flashing Santa Claus hat, looking like one of the grumpy old gits, ‘Ho, bloody ho!’ We were singing Christmas carols on the way home from the dive site yesterday, it felt quite weird in 30◦ with the sun shining. I’ve had Christmases abroad in the heat before but I’ve never worked on Christmas day, this year we are taking a load of customers out diving and Christmas dinner on the beach, should be fun.

All around Dili, nativity scenes are being built. With 94% Catholicism, Christmas is a big deal. The nativity scenes are big, about 2 metres high and a meter tall and each village has one. Jurgen did a deal in his village, where he provided the lights providing they stop singing at 10pm. Unfortunately the fire crackers don’t stop then, they are so loud and sound like gunshots, which is not great in this country at this time. Its funny comparing Guy Fawkes Day in the UK, where everyone stands back to let off a rocket and here, where they think throwing a fire cracker at each other is funny!

I’m house sitting Jurgen’s house at the moment which is great, hot water, air con and TV, I feel like I’m on holiday again. The best thing about it is I get the car for two weeks, a great Pajero with power steering, air con, a handbrake and music. It’s so nice to have a bit of power, reverse out without straining your arm muscles and stop on a hill without playing the clutch and best of all no rattling. The old dive truck serves its purpose but it’s nice to drive a posh car again.

The crime situation here seems to have calmed down a bit, talking to the NZ police it seems there are fewer incidents but when they happen they are more violent. Rather than just stone throwing there are ambon arrows, grenades and firearms. A Timorese guy died recently from gunshot wounds and the Dili rumour mill was it was the Ozzy forces that shot him. However talking to someone in ‘the know’, they said they investigated the site where the body was found and there was no way that the only Ozzy forces guy that opened fire could have killed him, angle, range etc. However, the body was removed immediately and buried and without an autopsy to remove the bullet, nothing can be concluded. The one force guy (not sure if he was army or police) that did open fire, did so when he was faced with a youth armed with a shotgun.

Talking of guns, we had a Kiwi soldier diving with us last week. He came along with his mate who was just there to guard the guns. It was pretty weird seeing machine guns next to the dive equipment.

The rain has started, not daily yet, but when it rains. Within 10 minutes the kitchen was flooding, so we were running round the house making sure there were no electrical cables on the floor, shouting over the noise as the veranda has a tin roof. In nearly all south-east Asian countries you will find the plug sockets half way up the wall, which seems strange and awkwardly placed until you see the rain coming in and realise that there is very sound logic to it. I had to wade ankle deep out to car, my new fancy Bali flip flops are not going to survive very long at this rate. Luckily there were no leaks at Jurgen’s house.

Christmas day went off without a hitch, luckily I was not working on Christmas Eve so it gave me a chance to run Ann around for the last minute bits she needed. I picked up the turkey and the beef and luckily as I’m house-sitting at the moment we used Jurgens fridge to ease the strain on the kitchen. Wayne went up to the dive site with two of the lads, the marquee, decorations and the tanks. The boys slept at the dive site with food and four cans of beer each, so they were happy.

I picked up Robbie en route Christmas morning and he was carrying Bibi Buddah (his baby goat). Slightly worried about the upholstery of the car, I made an agreement with Robbie that if Bibi had a little accident then he would clean it up. I needn’t have worried; she was as good as gold just letting out an occasional bleat from the back seat.

Arriving at the dive site it looked fantastic, a large marquee covered in tinsel and decorations. The boys set up the tables with tablecloths and crackers and within minutes the non divers were tucking into the champagne. The first dive was 20meters visibility at K41 and we went hunting for the Santa’s that Wayne had planted around the previous day. Unfortunately the Santa’s had disappeared, probably eaten by some over zealous parrotfish! But the nativity scene at 18meters was there in all its glory, it was weighted down, we couldn’t have a buoyant baby Jesus.

I finally had my first drink n Christmas day after the second dive, a well earned glass of champagne. This is the first ever Christmas day that I have worked and although I’ve spent a couple of Christmases in Australia, where it is hot, I’ve never dived on Christmas Day.

Boxing day we closed the dive centre, 364 days a year is enough. The intention was to have cold turkey, mashed potatoes and pickle for lunch, but one of our staff appeared to have helped himself to the leftover turkey, so it was cold ham instead. To make it feel more Christmassy, Wayne had managed to get a half decent copy of the new Bond film. So we sat down with our ham and pickles, a glass of champagne and 2 hours of Daniel Craig (the new Bond) in action. All we were missing was the Only Fools and Horses Xmas special!

It seems the Christmas spirit has quietened down the trouble. Christmas day saw Timorese families in their finest outfits going to church. At night they sang, let off fire crackers and fireworks, and as far as I’m aware were no major incidents. Plus we’ve had electricity all Christmas and no rain. I’ve probably spoken too soon though, but I hope it will continue.

We’ve got Whales – East Timor 21st November 2006

A great day at K41, one of my favourite dive sites in East Timor. We spotted at least 3 humpback whales fairly close to the shore. Watching the coastline we saw them come up 4 times and the last time after a huge spout of water we saw the tail of one of the whales as it dived, awesome! The next day at Bobs Rock we had another humpback much closer to shore this time. People are reporting seeing them now on an almost daily basis from the shores of Dili itself.

I had dinner with Robbie the other night and he told me with sadness that Miss Millie (his pet goat) had disappeared. Robbie suspects’ foul play as the neighbour was always complaining that the free roaming Miss Millie was ruining his garden by eating all the plants. According to the neighbour Miss Millie was last seen on Saturday trotting up the mountain, but Robbie heard rumours that Millie was tied up in the local village on Friday night, which in Robbie’s mind makes the neighbour the prime suspect. However, Robbie did add that Millie was pregnant and could have gone up the mountain to give birth. I hope this is the case. To be continued…….or not!

We were off to have coffee that night at the Timor Hotel (Dilis’ poshest establishment). Whilst walking from the car to the entrance we heard strange grunting noises from the car park next door. It was the Kiwi army doing a full blown Hukka. Only in East Timor!

I’ve got so used to seeing the military and the UN Police around, I don’t think anything of it any more. I’m even teaching some of the Philippine police to dive. The pool we use is in the Hotel Esplanada which is now the residence of 25 Kiwi police, who are often in the pool late afternoons supping a beer. One of the exercises I have to teach my students is the CESA which involves them swimming slowly from one end of the pool to another on one breath. To make sure they don’t hold their breath or take a sneaky one, I get them to sing whilst doing this, and practice on the surface with a snorkel before doing it underwater. One of my students was unsuccessful on his first attempt so jokingly said ‘Ill have to improve my singing’. This was met by loud applause and cheers and a ‘Yes please mate’ from the surrounding Kiwi police pool mates.

Its great working with different cultures, I’ve discovered that the philippinos ‘Want to be together’ in everything they do. They also like a precise agenda, have all the latest gadgets and adore taking photos of each other. Wayne jokingly asked them several times today if they were sure they were not Japanese.

The 12th of November is Remembrance Day for the massacre at Santa Cruz. In 1991 hundreds of young Timorese marched peacefully to the Santa Cruz cemetery to place flowers on the grave of a student that had been shot dead at the church two weeks before. As they reached the cemetery the Indonesian troops opened fire and mowed them down killing hundreds.

The atmosphere that day was a little tense as the situation here is quite volatile. As we drove to Backpackers that night, the streets were lined with candles, each one of them representing a dead relative or friend. It was quite eerie seeing all these tiny lights on streets that would normally be completely dark as Dili does not have street lights. When we got to Backpackers we found the restaurant closed as the staff were scared of the crowd on the street, but as I watched the kids walk by a couple were playing guitar and the kids were singing Timorese songs, in peace.

The central areas for trouble in Dili are the IDP camps, especially the ones in central Dili, the Airport, outside Hotel Timor, the hospital and the Obrigado Barracks. New IDP camps have been built further out of the city, but the only way you can get the IDP’s to move to these new sites is withdraw supplies. You cannot force them to move as it would be against their human rights. So supplies of food and water to the old sites were stopped on the 16th. Of course this transition would never be without its problems and yesterday the 20th, came a turning point in the troubles, the first Malai was murdered. It was a Brazilian priest on his way to the hospital. Who knows what is going to happen next and what the repercussions of this will be.

Miss Millie goes on Holiday – East Timor 19th September 2006

Wayne and Ann went on holiday last Monday leaving me to run things here. Only hours after they had left there was a stone throwing incident outside the dive centre so I called the Joint Task Force. Within 10 minutes I had a bus load of GNR and 2 APV’s rumbling outside my gates. I was impressed, I made that happen! Of course the stone throwers had already long gone..

Before Ann and Wayne left I got Nelson to write down the staff schedule so I knew who was coming in when, and explained that I needed their help to make sure we had cover at all times. The next day the morning staff was late and the afternoon staff didn’t turn up! Apparently he got confused about the schedule, which I could understand if it was new but it turned out it was the same schedule as they have been using for the last 2 years! I think it was a case of ‘The Boss is away so what can I get away with?’ I soon put a stop to that.

I had dinner with Robbie last week, he’s off to Thailand for a month so Miss Millie (his goat) is also going on holiday to Baucau (an Eastern District of East Timor). Millie is going to be transported by car, her first road trip. We had visions of Miss Millie sitting in the front of a Pink Cadillac, donned in sunglasses and neckscarf like Penelope Pitstop. I have very bizarre conversations with Robbie!

The UN have upped the security level again due to the increase of incidents around town, so no UN staff are allowed outside of Dili unless they get prior clearance. What with that and the wind we have been having this week, it’s not great for the dive business. Jurgen text me yesterday with a security update ‘Rioting between 100 people on Hera Road, Becora. Spears in use’ to which I replied ‘ So what, I have 3 dogs, a chicken on the roof and a chick that’s fled into the house, I’ve a bigger riot going on here’. Doris is an absolute monster when it comes to chickens. Why on earth do the stupid animals come into the garden when they can see the dogs?

I’ve become the mummy instructor around here. My PADI Bubblemaker’s are increasing, now it’s the talk of the school. I had one little girl aged 8 called Georgina, who was adorable. Just before we went in the water she said to me ‘I’m soooooo excited!’ Then when we finished swimming through hoops, playing with the underwater torpedo and doing handstands in the pool, she said ‘Thank you very much, that was so much fun’. But the best bit was when I went to sign her diving logbook, complete with fishy stickers of course! She had written ‘This is the best day of my life’, my heart completely melted.

Lock up your livestock – East Timor 24th July 2006

We have now decided we prefer the Ozzy troops to the Kiwis. The Ozzy’s have browned off a bit and look less like lobsters and one Kiwi soldier was rude to me. So much that Wayne had to defend my honour. I’d pulled up to a road block in Hera with Wayne driving the car behind me. A Kiwi soldier was manning the block and kept me waiting with no eye contact. This is not a big deal, but they are usually very friendly. He then asked for ID, so I replied I didn’t have to show him ID because it wasn’t the law in East Timor to carry it. Puzzled, he tried to clarify his question, ‘So you don’t have ID? I told him I did but it was in the back of the truck and I didn’t have to show it to him, (if it had been to hand I would have given it to him). He then took his time check the truck and plates and finally gave me the thumbs up signal, so off I drove. Unbeknown to me, behind my truck he made a rather rude hand gesture then stormed up to Wayne’s car and called me a ‘Feken Betch’ (please excuse my Kiwi accent). Astonished Wayne replied ‘She’s not a Feken Betch, she works for me!’ To defend his words the Kiwi replied ‘She wouldn’t show me ID’, to which Wayne replied ‘She’s quite in her rights not to, we are under Timorese law not martial law’. Disgruntled the soldier let Wayne through. They are so bored; at least it will give him something to talk about in the mess tonight.

It’s a really fine balance when you bring troops in from different countries and cultures, they are bored out of their brains, and don’t know anything about the country or their traditions. The Malaysian troops have been brought to our attention as Shane was driving through a roadblock and got searched. He spoke to the troops in Bahasa which they understand and claimed he had no weapons in his truck. Being a forester he didn’t think that the machete under his seat and the saw and shears in the back of his truck were weapons. Of course when the Malaysian troops found them Shane realised that they could be seen in a different light. The Malaysians kept repeating that machetes can kill people and then asked if Shane was their friend? Shane immediately thought they wanted money, but no, they wanted girls. Obviously Shane refused to be their pimp. So much for good little Muslim boys.

The Catholic church has a huge influence here, so obviously there is no sex before marriage, no contraception and they have made prostitution illegal. You may as well stick your head in the sand! Prostitution has been around since the roman times, and just because its illegal doesn’t mean it will stop, all you will see is the rise of HIV and backstreet abortions. Women here are baby making machines, even when they neither can afford it in monetary terms or physically. The First Lady has set up a very worthy charity which encourages mothers to breast feed, a natural but not foolproof contraception.

Obviously with the Catholic influence, over-population is a problem which the Indonesians tried to eradicate by injecting contraception chips into unsuspecting Timorese women during the occupation. Human guinea pigs! It’s reported that 70% of the population is under 22, hence high levels of unemployment. Bored and poor young men are never a good mixture when you look at the recent troubles here.

With the return on the UN, GNR, AFP (Awfully fat police!) and troops from various countries, and old problem has been recently reported by Lindsey Murdock of the Sydney Morning Herald (who let the dogs out fame, for anyone who has been following this saga). He recently wrote an article regading at least 20 children born to UN peacekeepers that have been abandoned with no financial means of support, whilst their mothers have been exiled from their communities. He also wrote ‘In early 2001, two soldiers were sent home with injured penises after allegedly attempting sexual intercourse with goats’. Forget lock up your daughters, lock up your livestock! I’d better tell Robbie to make sure Millie (his goat) is safe.

I’ve heard a story about two Jordanese soldiers that raped a little boy here in 2001. They were escorted home by the King of Jordan and shot dead the moment they stepped off the plane. That’s the punishment for that type for crime in Jordan.

There are still thousands of people in IDP camps around Dili, still too scared to go home. I hear the argument that these camps are too permanent and they don’t encourage people to move back. But if you can imagine me, camping out in Datchet train station, too scared to return to my 3 bed semi in case Ana and Evan beat me up and torch my house. You can’t can you?

On the diving front, this weekend we ran a boat trip to the island of Atauro. We had two boats full but the weather was rough so we had a few seasick people. When I briefed Nelson and Jose on the Friday, both their faces fell when I mentioned the boat. This was not surprising as the last time both their faces were a horrible shade of green through seasickness. I assured them that this time we would give them seasick tablets, but unfortunately they didn’t work and both of them sported the same green pallor for most of the day. I don’t think they will trust me again.

The diving itself was incredible; the first dive was Manta Ray cove. I can honestly say I have never done a wall dive with such pristine virgin coral. The colours were spectacular with the morning shards of light streaming through caves and crevices, it assailed your senses, so much that you didn’t know where to look and couldn’t take it all in. With 30 meters visibility and a large Napoleon Wrasse, it’s got to be in my top 10 dives of all time.

And Pigs Might Fly – East Timor 25th June 2006

Terrible news! Ginger Da Pig is dead! Robbie the adoptive owner is launching a full scale investigation into the case because Ginger disappeared in mysterious circumstances. Robbie went to ‘One More Bar’ where Millie the goat and Ginger Da Pig were housed, to take them for their daily walk around town. When he found Ginger he was basking in the sun, trotters outstretched, so Robbie assumed he was asleep, it was only later it occurred to him that pigs normally roll in wet mud and lie in the shade to keep themselves cool, they don’t normally sunbathe. Thinking nothing of it at the time he duly took Millie for her walk and then returned the next day to repeat the ritual, only the next day Ginger had disappeared.

Obviously concerned as to Gingers whereabouts, Robbie started questioning the staff. The first answer he got was Ginger had been bitten by a snake, yeah right! Where Millie and Ginger are housed there are also ducks that would have created alarming if there was a snake around, so Robbie probed further. The same witness then said the pig had died of starvation! Now given that this is a 50lb pig with enough meat on him to feed a family for a week or two, it was very unlikely that Ginger had starved to death in 15 hours. Also there was no body to verify this claim. Apparently Ginger had been taken away and buried, yeah right again! In a country where rice is in short supply, a 50lb pig is not going to be given a dignified funeral without passing through the bodies of several Timorese first.

Getting increasingly incensed, Robbie started to question the kitchen staff, their explanation was that Ginger had been bitten by a crocodile! At this point of the story I retorted ‘Yeah, and Pigs might fly’, which had us both laughing as it was as feasible an explanation to Gingers demise as any other that Robbie had heard.

In East Timor, the Timorese are very superstitious about crocodiles; they have this ongoing folk tale about an albino crocodile that terrorises fishermen. We tried to imagine a crocodile walking up the beach, across a main road, over a park area, and then scaling a 6ft fence to bite Ginger. Needless to say the vision didn’t work. The Timorese language is very basic, not having many descriptive words, so a headache is ‘Big stone in head’ in Timorese. So maybe a small crocodile was actually an iguana, but hardly likely to kill a 50lb pig.

So Inspector Robbie is no further forward in his investigations as without a body there can be no autopsy to conclude the cause of death. Was Ginger murdered or died of natural causes, if he was murdered was it Colonel Mustard in the drawing room with the lead pipe or was it the Timorese chef? I don’t think we will ever know.

Over the last couple of days we have had massive protests in Dili, thousands of people in Dili town centre all shouting ‘Go Alkatiri’. They are not supporting him; they all want the Prime Minister Alkatiri to resign. He has been linked with supplying arms to civilians to take out anyone who opposes him, a claim he obviously vehemently denies. We were returning from a dive at Dili Rock, much to the amusement of the Malaysian troops as the dive site is between two of their road blocks. As we were driving back, more and more trucks of people joined us on the road, women and children included, all singing and honking their horns on the way to the government building. I’ve just watched them return from the protest, a motorcycle convoy waving the East Timor flag following by trucks and microlets with bodies hanging off everywhere. I thought I’d seen the most people possible on one microlet (minibus) in Cambodia. But this beats it, there must have been 30 people crammed on one. The announcement regarding Alkatiri was supposed to have been yesterday, but due to the protest they delayed it until today (still waiting). I hope it doesn’t drag on too long though, as when a crowd that big gets hot and bored, young lads get restless and that’s when the sale of matches skyrockets.

There are still thousands of families in refugee camps. As well as food and water, they have been given soap, shampoo and rather spacious, robust tents. Unfortunately now the camps have a look of permanence about them as the tents are often better than their normal living conditions. Many of the camps are empty during the day as the adults go off to work and the children to school. It seems it’s the night that the people have the most fear of returning to their own homes. There was a rumour of a curfew, but it was only rumour, the Timorese people just don’t want to be on the street at night at the moment.

Needless to say with this activity, the hotels are full of journalists again and Wayne is reemployed as press, so I’m covering the little diving we are doing. A couple of nights ago we returned to the old haunt The Esplanada to meet with some of Wayne’s journalist mates, when in walked two camouflage clad New Zealand soldiers with MP armbands. Ann and I decided that the MP definitely stood for ‘Major Perve’! I think I need to get out more!

Just taking the pig for a walk – East Timor11th June 2006

We get some eccentric characters turn up at the dive centre here in Dili, East Timor. I first came across Robbie walking his goat outside the supermarket on the beachfront. Robbie is a red haired Glaswegian hairdresser that sports a jaunty beret on this head. He's another veteran of East Timor as he’s a Malai that’s been here for more than five years. As families were evacuated, pets were left behind and Robbie came across a ginger pig wandering around. The owners had left the country so Robbie has adopted the pig and aptly named it Ginger Da Pig. Now he takes both Ginger and Millie the Goat for a walk round town every day.

On the subject of pigs, the Monkey Bar actually has a pig track at the back of the bar and sporadically runs pig races. Now these are serious affairs with piggy forms and odds, previous race wins etc. Even though the whole race lasts for a total of about 15 minutes. Wayne and Ann had a 50% share in a racing pig until they were informed that she had got eaten!

The big story by Channel 7 today was weddings! Because of all the troubles there were weddings scheduled that couldn’t take place, so yesterday they dealt with the backlog and saw 18 couples getting married at one church. It's quite a heartening story given the situation here.

The Australian soldiers are doing a good job trying to restore peace but they came here to fight a war and what they got is vandalising, looting gangs that need policing, so more police are poring in by the day. Wayne was up in the hills at a school that has now been turned into a military base. There were loads of Ozzy soldiers with machine guns guarding the playground which is now a helicopter landing pad. As the Blackhawk took off, kids streamed on to the playground to play in the backwash the helicopter created. The soldiers just had to look on, what could they do, the kids weren’t afraid of their guns, they just wanted to play.

I had a good drive around a couple of days ago; there are a few areas where the torching is obvious because of the freshly burnt out cars. But there are so many burnt out buildings in Dili that it’s hard to tell the old ones from 1999 and the new ones. In 1999 70% of the buildings of East Timor were burnt down as a parting shot from the Indonesians as if to say ‘if we cant have them nor can you!’. I often wondered why people lived in wooden/tin shacks and didn’t rebuild the brick buildings. Apparently the burnt out buildings are left because that’s where atrocities were committed by the Indonesians, rapes, torture and brutal murders. The Timorese believe that these buildings are haunted by the spirits of the people killed in these buildings so will not rebuild them. The Timorese are highly superstitious people.

We stopped at a supermarket and outside were greeted by a truck load of Ozzy soldiers. Not a checkpoint, they were there to stock up on their Pringles. Most of them still wore their packs so were almost too wide to fit down the aisles. It’s a strange sight to see a fully clad soldier with a machine gun in one hand and a plastic shopping basket in the other.

We finally got out diving yesterday, on the boat because its safer for the Timorese staff. Poor Jose was horribly seasick all the way though. I got bitten on the lip by a clownfish, who said nemo is cute. Serves me right for sticking my head too near his anemone! We had a pod of dolphins both on the way out and back, around 60 in the second pod, jumping and doing back flips, fantastic to see. This afternoon Jose said he felt comfortable enough to do shore watch at Dili rock. The Malaysian army have set up a checkpoint nearby so we got half the curious squad asking question after question about diving as we were trying to kit up. Jose got on really well with them and was still chatting away when we emerged an hour later, so much for him being at risk, he had the Malaysian army to protect him.